The Narina of shopping…

That’s right i went to Ikea!!!

I know, I know! A lot of you will be disappointed.

I did it, I stood in a queue for 10 minutes to fulfil my Ikea fix. I won’t lie i chuffin loved it.

Let’s rate this experience properly.

Waiting time (in outside queue, and at the till) – It was about a 10-minute wait to get in. The good thing was it was well managed, nothing better a rolling queue. Like traffic I guess, everything seems longer when you’re at a stand still, but when everyone’s rolling it seems less likely to throw yourself out the car abandoning the family. No cares given. Very similar to the wait for a till. A cleverly formed route to follow ( additional to the arrows on the floor, that nobody listens to) with people at the end telling you what till to go to. Honestly if you’ve ever been on a weekend you will know the mayhem you face. You spend all your time lovingly and carefully picking out items to make Julie next door jealous. To make you Insta look classy chic, careful not to snap it in the direction to the floordrobe you just ignore. You get to the end and see the catastrophe that is the till. Find the nearest basket and dump the lot, marking it as an attempted delivery. (not pointing at any particular courier there, cough cough yodel, hermes)

Score a 8/10

The quality of stock– lets be real, its ikea! Its decor and furnishings at a budget price. Perhaps not the table you want your relatives dancing on at Christmas. But damn it Julie we can’t all have shopped at john lewis ok. Also be honest, does a relationship even work if you’ve not survived an Ikea build and lived to tell the tale. The showrooms did not disappoint, It was like walking into Christmas morning! Shelves full to the brim of useful tat that you just have to buy.

Score – 9/10

Atmosphere– I admit it seemed busier than expected. This being on the basis of the limitations of customers in the store at once, in conjunction with the new social distancing laws. Other than that no one being overly obnoxious with spacing or rushing. You did get the odd like rush of people walking though at a 100 miles an hour, why? Who knows. The restante was shut, couldn’t of been for that. Plus why rush? It was shut for months, you have to enjoy your first visit back. Remember the smells and the fond memories of forgotten experiences. The hope, the disputes and the joined excitement of a product with a new item tag.

Score 7/10

Over all, it was a nice jolt of normality to be shopping and out in the open again. When you ignore the queue on the way in and the hand sanitiser very 6ft around the store. (That smelt worryingly like tequila).

I mean its just a store, geez why do people get so excited over this stuff.

Stay kind,


P.s – This is the first blog that will have its own audio version (for the full blundering adult experience.) Give me a thumbs up if you’re a fan!

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