The Narina of shopping…

That’s right i went to Ikea!!!

I know, I know! A lot of you will be disappointed.

I did it, I stood in a queue for 10 minutes to fulfil my Ikea fix. I won’t lie i chuffin loved it.

Let’s rate this experience properly.

Waiting time (in outside queue, and at the till) – It was about a 10-minute wait to get in. The good thing was it was well managed, nothing better a rolling queue. Like traffic I guess, everything seems longer when you’re at a stand still, but when everyone’s rolling it seems less likely to throw yourself out the car abandoning the family. No cares given. Very similar to the wait for a till. A cleverly formed route to follow ( additional to the arrows on the floor, that nobody listens to) with people at the end telling you what till to go to. Honestly if you’ve ever been on a weekend you will know the mayhem you face. You spend all your time lovingly and carefully picking out items to make Julie next door jealous. To make you Insta look classy chic, careful not to snap it in the direction to the floordrobe you just ignore. You get to the end and see the catastrophe that is the till. Find the nearest basket and dump the lot, marking it as an attempted delivery. (not pointing at any particular courier there, cough cough yodel, hermes)

Score a 8/10

The quality of stock– lets be real, its ikea! Its decor and furnishings at a budget price. Perhaps not the table you want your relatives dancing on at Christmas. But damn it Julie we can’t all have shopped at john lewis ok. Also be honest, does a relationship even work if you’ve not survived an Ikea build and lived to tell the tale. The showrooms did not disappoint, It was like walking into Christmas morning! Shelves full to the brim of useful tat that you just have to buy.

Score – 9/10

Atmosphere– I admit it seemed busier than expected. This being on the basis of the limitations of customers in the store at once, in conjunction with the new social distancing laws. Other than that no one being overly obnoxious with spacing or rushing. You did get the odd like rush of people walking though at a 100 miles an hour, why? Who knows. The restante was shut, couldn’t of been for that. Plus why rush? It was shut for months, you have to enjoy your first visit back. Remember the smells and the fond memories of forgotten experiences. The hope, the disputes and the joined excitement of a product with a new item tag.

Score 7/10

Over all, it was a nice jolt of normality to be shopping and out in the open again. When you ignore the queue on the way in and the hand sanitiser very 6ft around the store. (That smelt worryingly like tequila).

I mean its just a store, geez why do people get so excited over this stuff.

Stay kind,

Adios

P.s – This is the first blog that will have its own audio version (for the full blundering adult experience.) Give me a thumbs up if you’re a fan!

When you start to see yourself differently.

Something I’m bad at doing.

Everyone will agree at some point in their lives they’ve looked in the mirror and though “gosh darnet when did I get this fat?”, or “is that how I really look?”. Or maybe it’s a day out that you felt you looked amazing. Then you look at the photos the day after and “geeeeezzzzzz how did I leave the house like that?”

Now no one can deny this, there’s not one person big or small, perfect or not who can say hand on heart they were happy with their reflection.

But with 5 payments of a very low £999,99.99 this perfecting mirror and camera will show you and the world how you think you should look!!!!

Only if was that simple. And I was such a victim (id be lying if I said I didn’t feel that way now and again)

This is first thing in the morning me, i dont even fix my hair (or wipe of yesterdays makeup eeek)
I’ve been wearing shorts! So unlike me. Again don’t hate it.

But lately I’ve had a change of mind, or eyes?

Only briefly, but more often it’s occurring. I get myself ready for the day, putting my minimal makeup (because i am that basic bitch) throw on my clothes. A rumble here and there about looking flumpy, i will always look flumpy! Then i just go about my day!

Now here’s the kicker, sometimes there is a picture taken for what ever reason. Cause I’m happy with my outfit or when we send our friends a picture to let them know were doing things or coming to visit. (all with in social bubble laws obvs) and, wait for it. I don’t hate it. I’m not fawning over it but i don’t hate it.

It’s not even come from an ‘I don’t care what people think attitude.’ Let’s be honest I’ve never really had that. I’m a soft touch and hate the idea of people having any opinion of me. I just don’t hate how I look lately.

Obviously I wouldn’t mind if something were different if my cookie pouch (stomach) was flat and my trunk legs had a gap. For now, I don’t mind my appearance.

Maybe it’s what happens as you get older, not really being bothered by what greets you in the mirror. So there is hope for all of you out there whose cookie pouches upset them. Or gapless legs get them down.

Now don’t forget your one time offer on the amazingly low priced perfecting mirror and camera. Just for today we will even throw in a freebie of the same workout video that every one else sells that promises you the weight loss!

This is not a self shaming post, I’m very aware I’m not a size 10. I’m OK with that. Its also not a motivational speech designed to make you reader feel better about yourself. This is a, you know what world. I am happy. I am me and reader you do you!

Rolls an all! But the star of this picture is my old man. You can see how long he is.

Ultimately nothing bar sheer acceptance of your own thoughts and body will change how you feel about yourself. Having people scream positivity in your face is not going to stop the gremlins from telling you differently. One day you will wake up and you, like me. Will just hate how you look a little less.

Stay kind (especially to yourself)

Adiós