The lockdown blues finally hit.
Its been a tough week or so. So tough!
For any of those people out there who as I have brain gremlins (who were in full swing) have/are or is still suffering.
Let me clarify for a moment, brain gremlin’s can be used in many senses like depression, anxiety or most mental health disorders. Mine come in the form of anxiety, the one unfortunately most everyone at some point gets a taste of. Whether its in the shape of body image, life decisions, new situations like first day at work. The list is endless as to why you might have a visit from your not so friendly mind gremlin.
Everyone has that voice in there head. The little one who judges you on your actions. “Are you really eating that Lanna? Don’t you think your big enough?” or “They will know your a fake! You don’t have a clue what your talking about” or “You are not important, you wont be remembered”. That’s been my week. Before someone tried to call the white jackets hold up! I in no way feel anything bad. I know these voices are mean and genuinely a pain in my arse, so I don’t listen. They are a part of me and have lead me down precarious roads before. Then I started learning why I hear those things, those insecurities voiced in my head. As I type there saying “The world will know you odd, your friends and boyfriend and his friends will see this and walk away from you.” Part of me wants to delete the entire post and continue like it never happened. In fact if you saw me on the street you would never know this happens. High functioning anxiety your a bitch!
A few years ago I stumbled on self therapy. Aha that’s it your trapped. Your now apart of my cult and will now go out and buy beads, crystals and essential oils! Mwhahahaha. This was the plot all along!
(No offence to those who use said techniques in inner calm.)
I’m not selling self help, I’m not here to make money out it. It doesn’t work for everyone. so what would be the point in forcing it on people? Also you cant help yourself or anyone else if they just don’t want to be saved yet. Everyone needs time to wallow, to really hit bottom before there ready to move past it. I’m done wallowing for this past few weeks, I done avoiding things that bring me peace. Im also done allowing my gremlins to control my life. My turn, my rules! I’m ready to be me again.
What was the point of telling you any of this? Its so if there is one single person who actually reads my virtual brain splurges. (not that there is many) This is for you. You can be your own worst nightmare, I know! Oh I know! But you want to know a secret?
You don’t have to be! Tell those gremlins to pack a bag and fuck the hell off!’
Of all days to win a battle its today! Those men and women didn’t loose there lives for me to quit living mine to the fullest!
Live your too, you beautiful people. Stay kind, keep fighting.